I Especially Hate Your Face

Justin "What's a German?" Bieber had a guest appearance on the Graham Norton show recently. And watching the cringe-worthy interview with him just reminded me of how much I hate Justin Bieber. Really. I think it's immeasurable using any form of metrics how much I genuinely loathe Justin Bieber. He is an untalented, teaspoon-shallow self-entitled twat that has about as much to offer to the music industry as normal people offer to their toilet bowl the first poop of the day - nothing but shit.

But thinking it through too much, as I often do, it made me consider that... perhaps Justin Bieber is not a bad guy. I mean, he's still more annoying than paper cuts and his music sounds worse than scraping nails on a chalkboard, but perhaps aiming this hate at Bieber himself is a little unfair. Is "Justin Bieber" a 16-year-old shitmonkey with all the artistic credibility as a can of beans? Or is he merely the face of the true Justin Bieber, just as George W. Bush was not possibly the brains of the Bush administration? Justin Bieber could just be a child exploited for his cringe-worthy voice and "good looks". Well, the more I thought about it, the more it stuck to me as true - Justin Bieber is not just a highly-evolved load of pre-ejaculate.

Justin Bieber is a team. A team of stuffed shirts and starched ties. A marketing team holding up this oblivious puppet, giving him just enough illusion of control that he doesn't realise he's being pushed through their Gates of Hell. Justin Bieber is not purely an annoying fuckwit, he is also the anonymous businessmen behind him. Businessmen who, as all businessmen do, milk the teats as dry as they can. It doesn't matter how quality the music they pump out, as long as it makes them fucking rich. I mean, if Justin Bieber is a quadmillionaire - what are the team behind him making? Billions, no doubt. Tens of billions!! Every Belieber is but an extension of the face of Bieber, who himself is an extension of a Shambling Corporate Presence. The cow may be sickly and dying but its teats produce green, green milk, and it almost brings a tea to my eye to see poor Justin Bieber exploited like this. He could be a normal old douchebag teen. Instead the corporation plucked him from obscurity and he is being spread like pestilence to the unwilling world - who continue to breathe him in despite contraction meningitis.

It's like... a massive Human Centipede of dickheads!