From Zero to Hero and Back Again

A restrospective of Guitar Hero and the gaudy fake plastic talent is encourages

As a general rule of thumb, I have always been a massive hater of the Guitar Hero franchise. Being a fairly talented pianist, and having befriended plenty of real guitarists, the general concensus among us music-types was that Guitar Hero was really just for dim-witted morons who had absolutely nothing to offer to the industry, and so would sit and mash green and yellow buttons instead of learning a real instrument.

However, I recently got The Beatles Rock Band for my birthday thanks to my brother, and having played both it and Guitar Hero World Tour, this is one time where I have to eat my words. Because it's not really a guitar simulator. No, at best, Guitar Hero / Rock Band are rhythm/colour-based reaction games, under the guise of a guitar simulator. Sure, it looks a bit like guitar playing, and it very often creates a rock star fantasy of sorts as the roar of the virtual crowd rings in your virtual ears. But essentially, the game itself does not encourage people to become profillic with undersized plastic guitars and nothing else - rather, it is a monument to guitarists and guitar playing. It even has a tutorial and learning to play real guitar locked away as a reward.

"Oh, but Andy! Surely there are hundreds of dim-witted morons who have absolutely nothing to offer to the industry, and so sit and mash green a yellow buttons instead of learning a real instrument!" Why, you would be correct, conveninetly-timed critic of blog. Yes, there are "dim-witted morons" who play guitar hero and claim they are "skillful" because they can 5-star Through the Fire and the Flames on Expert with 100% note streak. Well you know what? That's because they are. There are some tracks in World Tour that I would guess are easier on real guitar than in-game! You see, it may be fake plastic guitar talent, but fake plastic guitar talent is real Guitar Hero talent. It's like if somebody is great at, say, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater - they might not be able to keep their balance on a skateboard in real life, but their fingers are chaining together combos on that control pad like it's nobody's business, and talent playing videogames, especially score-based charades like Guitar Hero and Tony Hawk, is talent nontheless.

I'm not saying the fake talent is important. They still have nothing to offer the music or pro sports industries. But being good at playing a videogame deserves some kind of credit - especially when, in Guitar Hero's case, the videogame is balls-to-the-wall, goat-fuckingly difficult. That said, there are Guitar Hero players who are amazing, and use that to try and earn prestige with their friends or musicians. Those people, assuming they are doing it non-ironically, deserve to be slapped over the head with the fake guitars they excel at playing.

So, in review. I once hated Guitar Hero. It was a game for dim-witted morons. And

now, it's still a game for dim-witted morons; yes, dim-witted morons like myself, my brother, and the millions of people who have fueled the rhythm action game for more than six years with their constant flow of cash. It's not real guitar. It's not even real talent. But virtual talent is still considerably impressive, especially when you consider that most of the people in the world are shit at everything anyway.