Tales Beyond Andy, Part I

It's been a rough few days. I was turned into a zombie after playing too much Plants vs Zombies, an experience which I recommend to all. As a zombie, I roamed the Earth care-free; feeding on the brains of people too stupid to grab for their shotguns, terrorizing and kicking the heads in of small children, and generally being a complete and utter bastard. But all things came to an abrupt halt on dark and stormy night...

Me and my zombie buddies had just raided a house. Having eaten the brains of all the occupants, we stumbled upon a castle on an abandoned hillside. Being zombies and lacking initiative, my zombie friends walked off without second thought to the abandoned hillside. But myself, being a zombie of slightly higher intelligence, came to the conclusion that, at best, the castle on the abandoned hillside may contain brains; and at worst, the castle on the abandoned hillside may contain brains.

I crawled up the hill, my zombie arms pulling me over the drenched grass until I came to the massive steel door standing between me, and the possible brains inside. Reluctant though with a hunger for brains, I started chewing on the door. Several hours later I had chewed through the door and I had found my way inside, only to find... one... massive... brain.

Well, no, it wasn't a brain. It was a scientist, which, to me, looked like a massive. So I bashed his head in, and ate his brain. All of a sudden, his wealth of knowledge - his memories, his intelligence, his capacity for good - came flooding back to me. And like a scene out of a science fiction horror show, there was a blinding light in the back of my retinas, and I was transformed from Zombie Andy into... Regular Andy.

However, having been transformed into Regular Andy, with my old goals now back in their rightful place in the back of my teenage Regular Andy mind, my mission was not over yet. I now had to escape the onslaught of the zombie pals that were no longer my pals but my mortal, brain-hungry enemy.

The good news is, however, that, I never was a zombie. Turns out it was a Plants vs Zombies induced delirium, bought on from too much Plants vs Zombies. Turns out the house I raided wasn't a house; it was an old cardboard box my family had left out on the street. The castle on an abandoned hill wasn't a castle - it was a small military complex just south of the American/Mexican border. And the scientist wasn't a scientist, it was a scarecrow that was guarding a farm in Devonshire, England. Needless to say, I learnt my lesson...

Stay tuned for Part II